Sunday, May 13, 2012

motherhood





they really do make my heart smile. when we recently changed the actual address for the blog; 4mcfarlands.blogspot.com doesnt really work for a family of FIVE mcfarlands; jay asked me where i came up with the title for the blog. sadly, i cant remember the exact words that came out of hadley's mouth but i remember her doing something so wonderfully precious that i looked at her and told her she made my heart smile. the blog was new and i was still looking for its identity...
since then i have been fortunate to add two more little blessings to my life. as i celebrate my first mother's day, with my family complete, i find myself looking back to that 1st mothers day. hadley was maybe all of eight weeks old and i think it safe to say i was lost! i had no idea what i was really in for...motherhood is hard and it didn't take me long to figure that out! but it took me even less time to figure out how wonderful it also is. mothers say it all the time "the most challenging and rewarding job you could ever have".
i knew in the 6th grade this was my life's calling. up until that point, i was planning to be an astronaut but at the ripe old age of 12 , i changed my mind. my science teacher's dad worked for nasa and came to visit our class. after listening to him, i realized the commitment nasa would require and decided it simply wouldnt "jive" with full time motherhood so i dropped my dream to work in space and never looked back.
here i am, four years from that first mother's day and three sweet babies later. i quickly realized being a mommy was hard, but not necessarily how hard it would be. i am sure i thought "as soon as hadley sleeps through the night, this will get easier" or "as soon as she stops spitting up" or "if we can figure out this eczema"... but really, as soon as you clear one "parenting hurdle" there is another one waiting. i didnt know there would be so many questions about my ability involved with following "my dream". so many times i have wondered who in the world thought i was equipped to guide these wonderful girls from infancy to woman hood? am i a good mother? am i enough? i could go on but i am sure you can fill in the blank with questions of your own...
that is when it hits me; well maybe not at that very moment...i could be asking myself one of those questions in the middle of some crazy, teary breakdown and in those cases it takes me an extra minute to pull it together!
at any rate, i always come to the same conclusion. it wasnt anyone on this earth who determined i was cut out for this...no "person" decided it was "ok" if these children were left under my daily care....it was our Heavenly Father who hand picked hadley, audrey and mallory to spend their days with me. that blows my mind. it wasnt someone with human decision making skills...so there was no room for error here. these girls are meant for me and i am meant for them. remembering that lets me know that i am enough. my best isnt just "good enough" for these precious little girls...it is exaclty what God has in mind. if i place my life and their precious lives in his hands, i am doing exactly what i have been called to do and i will not fail those sweet faces. i will be enough. 
to all of you who may ever doubt your ability or success as a mother, just remember you were chosen to be the mother of your babies! you are more than enough...you are exactly what God has planned. 

and to my girls, i pray my focus is always on our Lord and savior and so i will be the mommy God has in mind for you. i love each of you more than i can begin to express with mere words. 
you make my heart smile...


2 comments:

  1. i really needed to hear that! Thanks so much for this post!

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  2. Very sweet and what a true post. Thank you!

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