Sunday, January 2, 2011

altar'd state

happy new year to all!  2011!?!?!  i remember when saying twenty ten sounded very strange and seemed so far away and here we are at twenty eleven...and here i am at 31.  but instead of being upset about now having a foot firmly "in my thirties", i am looking most forward to the year ahead.

i am looking forward to a year of being broken and molded in His image.  i have been struggling with the lack of growth in my walk with Christ and praying for several months for guidance and answers.  it seems the Father continues to tell me the problem is i am trying to grow and make changes on my own and instead should be relying on Him and i continue to try and do it myself...  well a couple of weeks ago i came across this... reading the bible in 90 days!?! could it really be possible?!?   i didnt immediately sign up online because, let's face it...i am a failure with several unfinished bible study books on the bottom shelf of my night stand but i know deep down inside i have never been happier, even in troubled times, than when i am neck deep in study that challenges me and pulls me closer to Him.  so i sat and pondered the thought...i was terribly excited at the prospect and felt like this was an answer to the prayers i had been praying for so long but still was a bit hesitant for a multitude of reasons.  i did some digging on the program and found out the creator of the program was a lifelong agnostic and decided to read the bible because his children had questions he could not answer.  he divided the reading into 90 days and i believe it was half way through the old testament that he became a believer!  WOW!  if reading the bible cover to cover could do so much for someone with no prior beliefs, then surely i could benefit as well and i needed to stop doubting, so i got on amazon and ordered the bible in 90 days bible (an NIV translation with no footnotes to distract).  like i don't already have more than one could possibly need...often i feel so selfish owning more than one copy of the bible when there are people who can't afford one or have never been exposed to its existence.  i feel so guilty and selfish that i own so many copies and have not read one from beginning to end.  it isn't like jay who just doesn't like to read...i can sit down with a book and struggle to pull myself away...reading at every free moment...until the last page is turned.  but for whatever reason, i have never done that with the bible.  sure i can tell myself that is is a book written thousands of years ago in a language very different from the one i speak on a daily basis but that is just one of many excuses.  i am sure there will be times when i am overwhelmed and confused but i know He can help me through.

so here i am at the beginning of a new year and tomorrow i will begin reading the bible from start to finish!  i look forward to learning about myself, my family and most importantly, the Father through this journey...i look forward to coming away from this experience, with no help from myself but only through Him, with an altar'd state.

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